hey not bad Cor.....a literary masterpiece as usual

--
~SKIPPEH~

Thanks, Kate!<33

--
------------------------
i Love You<3. Period.
-The China Doll

*~ChinaDolls13=Mine and =shutterbug13's joint photography account*

I wish I was as good a poet as you! (Cause than I could write cool lyrics). I like the allusions, metaphores and similies. You weild them like weilding a sword. A word sword...
You always have.

Although it's not supposed to be about HOW the poem looks, when I opened it, it looked a little intimidating. So maybe try to clean up the structure of the way the poem was writen... ya know? (I like how the only critisism I can give is about how the poem visually looks O_o)

But ANYWAY the poem was absolutly amazing. And it = the awesome! I can't wait till you start getting back into the groove of writing again because you've got such an awe inspiring talent, I hate to see it sit there.

Again, stunning poem!

--
- u l t i m a t e b o b -

Aww, Robby darling I miss you! Thank you so much<33

--
------------------------
i Love You<3. Period.
-The China Doll

*~ChinaDolls13=Mine and =shutterbug13's joint photography account*

Your use of colour to challenge the senses is inspiring, to say the least. For me, one of the hardest things to constantly remember is that we have five senses, including smell and taste. Here, although you don't necessarily invoke all five senses, you are challenging our normal definition of sight and touch through colour, associating words with colour that we don't normally use. I love that, particularly, "Their laughter spilled yellow".

Personally I like the last two lines. If you think of something better, go for it, but those aren't that bad. You closed up the poem, ended the day. Plus, many people would just have stopped at "beautiful"; instead, you choose to expand it, and that makes it even better. Typo alert though: "a the kind of way". A, or the? Which one is it?

Yeah, other than that ... you use "And" to start two consecutive lines, so you could change that. But that's not a strong feeling on my part; I don't think the poem is less because of it. Just something I thought worth mentioning, like the "diamond-in-the-rough" expression that I brought up earlier (and it works out with it in, so good call).

I don't think that there's a problem with how the poem is structured. So it doesn't have stanzas, some of the lines are longer than others, and whatnot. Whatever. It's still beautiful.

And that's it! (Yes, there was a considerable time lapse between the last paragraph and this one.) That's why that last line is so ... perfect. Not only does it describe the day in the poem, but it describes the poem itself. This poem is beautiful, beautiful in the kind of way that makes you think. That line is more than just an ending; it is a fundamental truth. Life is beautiful in a way that makes you think; beauty is not always apparent at first glance, but if you look at a situation, really look, it's there.

This is why I like Cortney poems. I start off with a basic comment on why I like the poem, or dislike it, and break it down a bit. Give you a little critique. But then as the comment gets longer, and I think about the poem more, I start to make connections. I come to realisations that, if I had just dashed off a two-minute comment and hit "Send", I would never have had. So there you go.

--
If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe. -- Carl Sagan

~superstitious13 and =shutterbug13 lured me here.
Maybe Dats Your Pwoblem Too

Brillant as always darling. I love the last two lines If you change them I may be forced to....erm...well I'll have to think of something to do to you when the time comes. If it comes. When it comes? If. I like if better.
Laura needs sleep
!

Amazing Korky!!! Hey did u change ur e-mail address??? How you been by the way??

--
"I'll keep you my dirty little secret"

I don't know how you do it, you take something that'd normally seem as if it is only a part of a larger story, and describe it in such a way that it seems to be all that there is, the world itself on it's own.

A colorful walk, that's what it is, a little piece of paradise, and that's what I think of this, it's wonderful.

--
So, See Super Salicious Silliness Soundly Simulating Stimulation Spread So Spacially Space Sea Smooth Succinctly Saturday.

Do it... It'll be the S'iest thing you ever do!

very nice my love!

I particularily like the greens in shades of envy and naivity. colour is so much fun to play with.

one small critisisim : you use the word yellow twice; why not use gold or add some more discription to it like, "tried to channel him all the lemon sunshine in the world" or "platinum gold" or something just to give it a bit more sustinance.

but i love it; colour is one of my favorite things and you describe it with juxtapositions, my favorite litterary term! bravo my love!

--
" Joel, I'm not a concept. Too many guys think I'm a concept or I complete them or I'm going to make them alive, but I'm just a fucked up girl who is looking for my own peace of mind. Don't assign me yours. "

- Clemintine

I've missed "Ben Comments" so much!

And that totally was supposed to be "the"....

Anyway, Thank you so much for the comment Ben. I think it's things like this that help feed my drive to write...

knowing(hoping) I'll get feedback on it, and hoping that my writing has touched someone else.

<33Cor

--
------------------------
i Love You<3. Period.
-The China Doll

*~ChinaDolls13=Mine and =shutterbug13's joint photography account*